On Processing Deep Emotions & Loneliness:
Loneliness is painful because within it is a deep feeling of separation from ourselves & others.
There also seems to be so much shame & embarrassment in admitting that we feel lonely, disconnected, separated & isolated.
But how can we invite in & create deeply meaningful connections when we can’t even be honest about who we are & where we are at?
Is there a part of me that fears pushing others away in my admittance of feeling lonely? Yes.
But another part knows that the more open & honest about who I am, the more it will reach & empower others to do the same.
This last week, I’ve been experiencing deep & painful emotions of loneliness & isolation.
These emotions seemed new, simply because I’ve been denying myself the time & space to fully feel them & admit their presence.
But instead of hiding, repressing, or smoking the discomfort away, I made the conscious decision to dive towards them in order to fully process & understand what was happening within.
Within I discovered that these painful emotions run deep.
Part of me felt like a failure for my difficulty in creating & maintaining relationships. Other parts felt like I was inferior as a human for my perceived inability to connect.
Other times, I felt like my being & essence is too much. And who I am naturally is responsible for pushing people away.
Lies of not being lovable or capable of having a healthy relationship also emerged.
I also felt shame for all the time I spend alone. Traveling alone. Working alone. Living alone. Eating alone. Just fucking existing alone.
It felt like I was being separated from the fibers of my being. And that loneliness was something I am destined for.
But on the other side of finally facing the truth of how I was feeling & the emotions I was avoiding was a feeling of liberation. Of peace. And of deep acceptance for I who I am and where I am on my path.
I’m not here to pretend that I have all the answers. Instead, I choose to share my journey in hopes that maybe someone else will understand. Relate. And for a brief moment in time, feel connected even when apart.
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